listing

listing by the girl with the yellow eyes

every time i try and order my thoughts and make a list they
come crashing down
the tenterhooks repressing the flood come loose
and swamp me over and i'm drowning in the million things
i'm supposed to be keeping track of but they are constantly straining
to break free of my control, stretching my mind as i attempt to hold them all in
and it hurts
and stretches
and pressures
so that i only have two options
i make the list in writing of what is weighing on my head
but
there's always something missed, momentarily obscured
such that one can never capture all the
commitmentsobligationsgoalseffortsideascheduleskindnessesreproaches
as necessary as they are
i can't keep them in
keep them down
constantly swirl to remind me and then disappear
or
i could disregard them entirely
simply throw myself into a task
just to lift the pressure
of remembering
the constant guilt and shame and pressure and things missed
i just don't know what to do